Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Core Solutions Launches NATSAP's Online Community

Core Solutions Launches


NATSAP's Online Community



December 06, 2007

Core Solutions is pleased to announce they have been chosen to operate the new online Member Community for The National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP).

Core Solutions is the best fit as they have a proven track record for operating specialized, private, secure online Communities by means of an established, thriving system. The new online Member-Only Support Community is solely dedicated to Current Members who are in good standing with NATSAP . It is a great meeting place for their Member Schools/Programs seeking solutions, support, and staying on top of the ongoing issues within the Private Youth Care Field. NATSAP's new online Community is a private, supportive resource available to their members 24-hours a day.

The National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP) was created in January of 1999 to serve as a national resource for programs and professionals assisting young people beleaguered by emotional and behavioral difficulties. Since its commencement NATSAP has become known within its field as the benchmark of standards and ethics industry wide .The Association is governed by an elected, volunteer Board of Directors comprised of representatives from the NATSAP membership.

About Core Solutions:
Core Solutions is known for their successful, affordable private and secure online parent bulletin board service, customized for individual programs, Ed Consultant Groups and other professional organizations.

Please visit www.CoreBB.com to learn more.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Core Solutions Takes Proactive Stand

October 14, 2007

In light of the recent Congressional Hearing, Core Solutions is taking a proactive stand to work in alliance with Schools and Programs intent on being viewed as Family Friendly, transparent in its day-to-day operations, and working in concert with the parents they serve.

The follow-up Congressional Hearing is scheduled for February 2008. As an industry, we must prepare. There has never been a more critical time to further empower and rally the support of your families. Their voices need to be heard and their stories told. They are your strength, your strongest ally and are the evidence of your true and honest intent.

Some key areas of value that our Bulletin Board services will provide to your Program:

  • A private secured online Bulletin Board system customized specifically for your program, available 24/7; includes regular monitoring to preserve the integrity of your School's Community.

  • The Schools are viewed as running a transparent program; no shroud of secrecy.

  • Viewed as a Family Friendly program. Your Bulletin Board quickly enhances and expands the family component of your program, providing a way for your families to tightly team with you for the true intent of actual family healing, not just treating their child.

  • Each Board reflects the individual branding of that Facility, i.e.: colors, logo, feel and they develop their own Facility Culture.

  • The overall Board culture reinforces the need for following program guidelines, graduation, and family involvement in order to make the changes needed for when their child returns home and to support their child's changes.

  • We have a very reputable reference list that you are welcome to contact.

  • A private, secure online central location to post Parent Manuals, Photos, News Articles, Research, Training and Resource Information, up-to-date notices about the Facility, Staff, returning graduate visits, upcoming events, family weekends, graduations, and showcase accomplishments, academic info, etc.

  • Economical for the Facilities, as we handle the training, monitoring, registrations, invites, terminations, and technical issues 365 days a year, including 'after hours'.

  • Our streamlined proven Bulletin Board system eliminates the learning curve of getting an online Community going for the families, and helping a program make it work for them.

  • The Administration will gain solid feedback on the effectiveness and dependability about Staff and program outcome.

  • Be Prepared. A functional Bulletin Board is the quickest, most efficient and effective way to become part of the solution by having a communication system that will aid your program in being prepared in all areas for the upcoming Congressional Hearing.



There are two things that are here to stay: technology and parent's needs. However, due to the unique nature of our industry, it takes much more then technical know-how to make a Bulletin Board work effectively and productively for a program. It's not just about setting a system up. It's about how to make that system work in sync with the goals and vision of the program. How to create unity and teamwork. We know how to make your Bulletin Board Service help communication with your parents, so that it doesn't work against you. It's the combined background of the Core Solutions Team - our experience and dedication to the family healing industry - that marries the two successfully!

Recognizing every private entity in the family healing field has an obligation and responsibility to be part of the solution, Core Solutions is willing to be the first contributor by offering a rate reduction through November 20th, 2007. Contact admin@corebb.com for more information. We are intent on having those Schools in full operation prior to the next hearing so that the true message can be heard.

About Core Solutions:
Core Solutions is known for their successful, affordable private and secure online parent bulletin board service, customized for individual programs, Ed Consultant Groups and other professional organizations.

Please visit www.CoreBB.com to learn more.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

New Clients That Welcome Family Involvment

September 15, 2007

Core Solutions is pleased to announce they have been chosen to operate the new online Parent Community for Meadowlark Academy. The new online Parent Support Community is solely dedicated to parents who have a child currently enrolled at Meadowlark Academy. It is a great meeting place for their parents seeking solutions and support from other parents who have been in their same place. Their online Community is a private, supportive resource available to them 24 hours a day.

Meadowlark Academy, an all-girls campus, places a strong emphasis on the dynamics of a Positive Peer Culture, Academics, love of country and respect for family values.

About Core Solutions:
Core Solutions is known for their successful, affordable private and secure online parent bulletin board service, customized for individual programs, Ed Consultant Groups and other professional organizations.

Please visit www.CoreBB.com to learn more.


September 25, 2007

Core Solutions is pleased to announce they have been chosen to operate the new online Parent Community for Tipton Academy. The new online Parent Support Community is solely dedicated to parents who have a child currently enrolled at Tipton Academy. It is a great meeting place for their parents seeking solutions and support from other parents who have been in their same place. Their online Community is a private, supportive resource available to them 24 hours a day.

Tipton Academy, an all-boys campus, is known for their effective ‘Helping Disciplines’ structure that includes Positive Peer Culture, Cognitive Self Change and an Animal Assistance Program.


About Core Solutions:
Core Solutions is known for their successful, affordable private and secure online parent bulletin board service, customized for individual programs, Ed Consultant Groups and other professional organizations.

Please visit www.CoreBB.com to learn more.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Online Parent Support

A Win/Win for Families and Schools


By Randall Cook
Operations Manager
Core Solutions
www.CoreBB.com

Core Solutions is the next chapter in the evolution of private Schools. It’s not just the best of technology that makes Core Solutions an ideal industry partner. It’s the Core Solutions team’s experience and understanding of this industry that makes their ability to successfully apply and integrate the latest technology to meet the needs of the families, staff and individual programs. Core Solutions creates a win/win scenario for all. Core Solutions private, secured system provides the support, communication, and encouragement parents hunger for when their child is in treatment.

“We are very happy, but most importantly, our parents are delighted with this service", comments Richard Williams, (Former) Director of Marketing and Business Development, Three Springs Adolescent Treatment Programs.

In this day and age, parents are eager, and in some cases demanding more parent support and involvement. In attempting to bridge that gap, many Schools offer parent workshops, conferences and seminars. Yet the on-going needs parents naturally have for information, connection and support during the time their child is in their program, outstrips all best efforts of any staff. To each family, there is only one child in the Program … their’s. Yet the Program Staff are responsible for all students in their care. Recognizing the value of mentoring, some Schools have parent support groups meeting in various locations around the country. Yet, many families cannot attend because they do not reside close enough to where they’re being held.

The solution? Simply bring the support group to them … in their own living, room, home office, at work, airports, in the US or out. They can be connected anywhere. It is support they can access 24/7, anytime of the day or night, 365 days a year. Parents have a need to connect to someone else who knows exactly what they are going through. They need support and encouragement for their family’s tough challenges. They want to celebrate with someone who will truly understand their joy as progress is made. Who better to do that then other families who have been there, done that? Connecting with other parents sharing their own family healing and who can offer encouragement to stay the course.

“One of the most important trends in private residential schools and programs for children with problems has been to bring parents into the loop,” states Lon Woodbury, Woodbury Reports, Inc. (Parents in the Loop -http://www.strugglingteens.com/artman/publish/article_5493.shtml)

Dean Porterfield, Program Administrator for Three Springs of Duck River reports, “Our relationship with Core Solutions has been a very positive experience and has aided in our Program taking the support we offer our families to the next level. I have heard nothing but positive things from all of my clients. Many have asked, ‘I can't imagine not having the support of the Community Board, how did we survive before?’ It has aided in our families sharing their emotional journeys of growth, and they know support for those tough days is only a click away. In addition, the support services have been exceptional.”

Technology, and the desire of parents to be involved, will not fade away. Welcome this change that will create more opportunity for your parents to become part of the solution. In our commitment to creating a win/win there is a standing invitation for all families who want a “virtual support group” at their Facility. Feel free to contact us to be sure your School is not being overlooked.

Core Solutions will customize your private, secured, Community to meet and support your individual Program format. Learn how simple and quick it is to have your online Community launched. With Core Solutions services in place, you will become known as a Family Friendly Program. www.CoreBB.com


Randall Cook has applied his vast experience, intensity and insight to Core Solutions and as a result has created an unrivaled value for Core’s client Programs and Schools, and their incredible parents. In the years since graduating an adolescent residential program himself, he went on to work in various capacities in the private youth placement arena. Now being the proud husband and father of a wonderful young family himself, he has found great purpose in serving other parents and their families.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Auldern Academy Boarding School

Auldern Academy
Siler City, North Carolina
Jane Samuel, Head of School
919.837.2336
http://www.auldern.com/
http://www.threesprings.com/

Visit by Randall Cook , Core Solutions
July 6th, 2007

Initially, I had no intention of actually writing about my Facility visit and posting it. However, I was so taken by my experience at Auldern Academy that I felt it my duty to share it with the many parents, professionals, and even critics who frequent the Struggling Teens hub.

“Auldern Academy” is Scottish for the “Academy by the River,” which well describes the 85 acres of lush grounds surrounding the campus. Auldern sits on a beautiful area of lush green land, with blooming flowers and hedges meticulously placed throughout the campus, tucked away in the North Carolina hills.

Auldern Academy is ideal for young women in grades 9-12 who would benefit from more structure and support than a mainstream school would provide. Auldern accepts students from traditional schools, as well as those who’ve had a successful experience in an emotional growth or therapeutic program. Auldern enables students to best prepare themselves for the challenges of college environment and independence. Not just academically, but emotionally and socially as well. Auldern achieves this result through a combination of Academics, Arts, Crafts, Therapy, Exercise and Family Involvement.

My first impression, upon arriving at the driveway of Auldern’s campus, was so striking I had to stop my little rental car and get out and take a picture. (The picture above.) It was just so beautiful. As I continued my journey up the drive there were slight bends, well manicured lawn on both sides of the road, and each curve displayed well arranged flower beds outlined with rock walls. This awe inspiring experience was further enhanced by the cathedral-like trees standing watch.

After enjoying several minutes more of this pleasant drive I arrived at the main part of the campus. The road and trees opened up presenting some great Southern style architecture located around a very large pond, with water cascading from the center. I parked and exited my car just at the same time some parents were arriving at the Academy. I followed them into the main hall where I was immediately greeted by Staff and more parents. While visiting with Auldern’s parents, it really stood out to me that they had taken the time to educate and familiarize themselves with both NATSAP and IECA. The overall atmosphere was one of true serenity and calmness delivered in a very professional way. It made a great impression upon me.

After some introductions were made, I was guided back to the office of the Head of School, Ms. Jane Samuel and joined by the Assistant Head of School, Mr. William “Bill” Grant. Again I was struck by their very warm and welcoming reception. As we visited, I was very impressed with their passion and pride for the accomplishments and changes that Auldern Academy has made since their arrival about a year ago. They are clearly professionals to be regarded as experts in their field.

We wandered out of the office and toured the campus. It was a great day to be outside. The July weather in North Carolina was better than what I had left behind in Southern California; I hadn’t expected this. As we continued the tour, I was awestruck at the volumes of student artwork and crafts proudly displayed. Collections of paintings, charcoal sketches, pottery, watercolors, oil paintings, scrap booking, sculptures, etc. lined the walls, cabinets and shelf space in each room. It was amazing. There are clearly some incredible artists attending Auldern. I’m sure some have more interest or talent than others, but they certainly have an ample stock of art supplies that even someone like me could learn and enjoy an artistic outlet. In my experience in over a decade of visiting different Schools in different States, Auldern now joins a select few who stand out proud with such detail and character, and such personalized touches that so strongly reflect the talents and interests of their dynamic students.

After touring the computer labs, academic building and dining facilities, we strolled over to the residential housing. There were some young ladies sitting out front in rocking chairs, engaged in small talk, enjoying the beautiful day and appeared captivated by the sounds and movement of the water spraying up in the pond. They were very polite about our interruption and made certain to greet us on our way into the large dorm. Upon entering I could not help but again notice all of the artwork on display. This building really reinforced a home-away-from-home feel; very subtle and soft. It was remarkable. It made me reflect on how confident and comforting this would make me feel, as a parent.

Next, we took our time walking over to the recreation building, strolling past the immense pond. In that building they offer the young ladies a basketball court, stationary bikes, a pool table, a pottery wheel, a wide variety of art supplies, a treadmill, and even an Ab Lounger.

Lunch time was soon approaching so we walked back to the dining hall. The dining hall is painted in a light yellow, with an off-white trim and large windows pouring in sunlight and overlooking the main area of the campus. It had the feel of a cozy Southern Bed and Breakfast. We were offered a very healthy buffet style meal. Jane, Bill, and I took a seat with a couple of students. Just like the young ladies encountered earlier, the parents on campus, and Staff, these students once again made it a point to welcome us to their table. During our meal I was struck by the genuine camaraderie and courteousness that was so evident throughout the campus. Everyone knew everyone else and was so polite to one another. I never got the impression there were any type of cliques or groups anywhere on the campus. Everyone treated each other with dignity and respect.

After lunch, we headed back to Jane’s office. This gave me a chance to get a deeper understanding of Jane’s and Bill’s commitment and respect for the young women they are guiding and families they serve. I got a chance to get to know more about Bill Grant and was very impressed with his experience and education he has to offer. It’s evident that Jane Samuel lives and breaths Auldern Academy, as well as having a good working relationship with the local community. It’s clear she knows every inch of the property and every aspect of the program. She’s in the moment and up to date on what’s happening.

On my drive back I was anxious to call my little family and share my experience, because it had been that memorable.

I would like to thank Jane Samuel, Bill Grant, Crystal Cox, and the rest of the Auldern Staff members I met. They have a winning team. My thanks and appreciation extend to all of the friendly parents and young ladies I met as well. I am excited for what lies ahead for each of you.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Change is Not a Four Letter Word

By Glenda Gabriel
Core Solutions
www.CoreBB.com


Change . . . an amazingly powerful and often times emotionally charged word. Change can be a word that seems like such a great idea when directed towards someone else; i.e. how “they” can change in a way that will make your life better. At the other end of the spectrum, the word “change” can trigger fear and resistance in a nanosecond if someone says you need to do it. Or, it can be embraced and welcomed by choosing to move forward with an attitude of gratitude and appreciation for the opportunities change can bring to the quality of your life.

Whether you’re toying with the idea that something different needs to be done, already made the decision things must be done differently, or moved to action to create a different outcome, change becomes part of the equation. Change happens in all areas of life. No area of change is seen more intensely then with families of struggling teens.

Needed change seems obvious in a teen whose life has gone off the tracks through poor choices and behaviors and has become a risk to themselves and/or others. When it’s determined that intervention placement in a private residential school or program is the responsible, loving decision needed, it is important to remember that your child’s true and lasting change will not happen fast, nor on your timeline.

Key to remember is that your teen is just one member of your family system. For the optimal outcome, the entire family needs to be committed and open to change. For starters, what’s going on in their life affects all members of your family. Your teen has done a very good job of signaling “this system is not working.” They are waving a very large, very scary red flag. Wise parents will step up to the plate and willingly be part of the solution.

It’s a Process: There are specific stages of change that experts have identified. Lasting change is going to involve going through all of the various stages. But don’t expect change to be made in a straight line. They will go back and forth many times.

1) Being in resistance, or denial, to any change needed.
2) Considering the possibility of the need for change in the future.
3) Decision that change is needed. Making a plan and setting gradual goals.
4) Taking action. Putting specific plans into play.
5) Maintaining and internalizing the change. Incorporating the change into your life.

Look at the changes you’ve made in your own life: changes in diet, workouts, even cutting back on your work schedule. Can you see how these stages in change fluctuated and flowed? How many times did you repeat the steps? Start. Give up. Go back. Start again.

Don’t Hover: The tendency for parents of children in treatment is to hover and hang on their child’s every movement longing to hear a report or some evidence that they’ve had a miraculous “ah-ha” moment. But change generally comes slowly. It evolves. It’s a process of forward and backward movement. How well would it work for you if someone stood over you with the spoken or unspoken expectation of your needing to make changes in order to make them happy? Would that motivate you? Lasting change must come from within. It must come from their own desire of wanting something different for their life.

Care vs. Control: Be interested, but don’t attempt to maneuver or manipulate their changes through enabling, guilt-trips, anger or avoidance. Whether they tell you or not, you are the most important person in their life. Be willing to hear they are struggling. It’s part of the process of change. It’s also an important part of what they need to learn to be successful.

Be supportive: It’s important that your child know you are in alignment, and in support of, their program and staff. If you have an issue or concern in those areas, do not discuss it with your child. Do not let your emotions or tone of voice betray you. If your child is in any resistance to change, they will see that as a chance to divide and manipulate. It’s critical to your child’s and your family’s success, that you create a unified team.

No sugar coating: In your willingness to be part of the solution, be willing to openly hear the reports of your staff. Don’t set yourself up to expect glowing reports every week. You want to know what’s real. Your child is in treatment because serious changes needed to be made. It will take time. Yes, it is hard. But you’re tougher. You have to be. So find things to be happy about, even when the reports aren’t what you wanted to hear. Such as, be grateful your child is safe and with people dedicated to working with both of you.

Be a team player: Make it easy for your staff to work with you. These are people who do what they do because they care about making a difference. Do your part to make sure they were glad they showed up for work today.

Results based: True change will show up in your child’s results. Your child knows what you want to hear. It’s their actions that will speak to their changes, in either forward or backward movement. Pay attention to how they are interacting with their peers, working with staff and responding or reacting to you.

Setbacks: Sometimes successful change can be so frightening to a teen who lacks self-trust and confidence, that it triggers self-sabotage and setback. Recognizing that setbacks are a typical part of the change process can help you prepare for measures on your part that will help your child get back on track.

Take care: Instead of hanging your happiness and well-being on the status of your child’s change, or lack thereof, be good to you. Give yourself permission to enjoy life. Pay attention to your changes. Take this time to restore the balance in your life. If all of your conversations and thoughts are consumed with your program child, then others in your life are getting shortchanged, starting with you. Your child needs a happy, healthy parent who is modeling a life of self-appreciation and personal happiness.

You’re the parent. Your child needs to know they can count on you to stay the course. Be open to learning and seeking ways you can contribute to the solutions your family needs. Be courageous enough to work with your staff, ask your child, ask your family members and self-inventory the changes you can make to create a successful home environment. By your example, your child needs to know that change is not a four letter word.


Glenda Gabriel is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. In addition to being the mother of a program graduate, she’s worked for many years developing vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

A Win/Win for Families of Struggling Teen and Private Boarding Schools

By Randall Cook
Southern California
Operations Manager
Core Solutions
http://www.corebb.com/

Core Solutions is the next chapter in the evolution of private Schools. It’s not just the best of technology that makes Core Solutions an ideal industry partner. It’s the Core Solutions team’s experience and understanding of this industry that makes their ability to successfully apply and integrate the latest technology to meet the needs of the families, staff and individual programs. Core Solutions creates a win/win scenario for all. Core Solutions private, secured system provides the support, communication, and encouragement parents hunger for when their child is in treatment.

“We are very happy, but most importantly, our parents are delighted with this service", comments Richard Williams, Director of Marketing and Business Development, Three Springs Adolescent Treatment Programs.

In this day and age, parents are eager, and in some cases demanding more parent support and involvement. In attempting to bridge that gap, many Schools offer parent workshops, conferences and seminars. Yet the on-going needs parents naturally have for information, connection and support during the time their child is in their program, outstrips all best efforts of any staff. To each family, there is only one child in the Program … their’s. Yet the Program Staff are responsible for all students in their care. Recognizing the value of mentoring, some Schools have parent support groups meeting in various locations around the country. Yet, many families cannot attend because they do not near enough to the city where they are being held.

The solution? Simply bring the support group to them … in their own living, room, home office, at work, airports, in the US or out. They can be connected anywhere. It is support they can access 24/7, anytime of the day or night, 365 days a year. Parents have a need to connect to someone else who knows exactly what they are going through. They need support and encouragement for their family’s tough challenges. They want to celebrate with someone who will truly understand their joy as progress is made. Who better to do that then other families who have been there, done that? Connecting with other parents sharing their own family healing and who can offer encouragement to stay the course.

“One of the most important trends in private residential schools and programs for children with problems has been to bring parents into the loop,” states Lon Woodbury, Woodbury Reports, Inc. (Parents in the Loop -http://www.strugglingteens.com/artman/publish/article_5493.shtml)

Dean Porterfield, Program Administrator for Three Springs of Duck River reports, “Our relationship with Core Solutions has been a very positive experience and has aided in our Program taking the support we offer our families to the next level. I have heard nothing but positive things from all of my clients. Many have asked, ‘I can't imagine not having the support of the Community Board, how did we survive before?’ It has aided in our families sharing their emotional journeys of growth, and they know support for those tough days is only a click away. In addition, the support services have been exceptional.”

Technology, and the desire of parents to be involved, will not fade away. Welcome this change that will create more opportunity for your parents to become part of the solution. In our commitment to creating a win/win there is a standing invitation for all families who want a “virtual support group” at their Facility. Feel free to contact us to be sure your School is not being overlooked.

Core Solutions will customize your private, secured, Community to meet and support your individual Program format. Learn how simple and quick it is to have your online Community launched. With Core Solutions services in place, you will become known as a Family Friendly Program. http://www.corebb.com/

Randall Cook has applied his vast experience, intensity and insight to Core Solutions and as a result has created an unrivaled value for Core’s client Programs and Schools, and their incredible parents. In the years since graduating an adolescent residential program himself, he went on to work in various capacities in the private youth placement arena. Now being the proud husband and father of a wonderful young family himself, he has found great purpose in serving other parents and their families.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Change is Not a Four Letter Word

By Glenda Gabriel
Core Solutions
www.CoreBB.com


Change . . . an amazingly powerful and often times emotionally charged word. Change can be a word that seems like such a great idea when directed towards someone else; i.e. how “they” can change in a way that will make your life better. At the other end of the spectrum, the word “change” can trigger fear and resistance in a nanosecond if someone says you need to do it. Or, it can be embraced and welcomed by choosing to move forward with an attitude of gratitude and appreciation for the opportunities change can bring to the quality of your life.

Whether you’re toying with the idea that something different needs to be done, already made the decision things must be done differently, or moved to action to create a different outcome, change becomes part of the equation. Change happens in all areas of life. No area of change is seen more intensely then with families of struggling teens.

Needed change seems obvious in a teen whose life has gone off the tracks through poor choices and behaviors and has become a risk to themselves and/or others. When it’s determined that intervention placement in a private residential school or program is the responsible, loving decision needed, it is important to remember that your child’s true and lasting change will not happen fast, nor on your timeline.

Key to remember is that your teen is just one member of your family system. For the optimal outcome, the entire family needs to be committed and open to change. For starters, what’s going on in their life affects all members of your family. Your teen has done a very good job of signaling “this system is not working.” They are waving a very large, very scary red flag. Wise parents will step up to the plate and willingly be part of the solution.

It’s a Process: There are specific stages of change that experts have identified. Lasting change is going to involve going through all of the various stages. But don’t expect change to be made in a straight line. They will go back and forth many times.

1) Being in resistance, or denial, to any change needed.
2) Considering the possibility of the need for change in the future.
3) Decision that change is needed. Making a plan and setting gradual goals.
4) Taking action. Putting specific plans into play.
5) Maintaining and internalizing the change. Incorporating the change into your life.

Look at the changes you’ve made in your own life: changes in diet, workouts, even cutting back on your work schedule. Can you see how these stages in change fluctuated and flowed? How many times did you repeat the steps? Start. Give up. Go back. Start again.

Don’t Hover: The tendency for parents of children in treatment is to hover and hang on their child’s every movement longing to hear a report or some evidence that they’ve had a miraculous “ah-ha” moment. But change generally comes slowly. It evolves. It’s a process of forward and backward movement. How well would it work for you if someone stood over you with the spoken or unspoken expectation of your needing to make changes in order to make them happy? Would that motivate you? Lasting change must come from within. It must come from their own desire of wanting something different for their life.

Care vs. Control: Be interested, but don’t attempt to maneuver or manipulate their changes through enabling, guilt-trips, anger or avoidance. Whether they tell you or not, you are the most important person in their life. Be willing to hear they are struggling. It’s part of the process of change. It’s also an important part of what they need to learn to be successful.

Be supportive: It’s important that your child know you are in alignment, and in support of, their program and staff. If you have an issue or concern in those areas, do not discuss it with your child. Do not let your emotions or tone of voice betray you. If your child is in any resistance to change, they will see that as a chance to divide and manipulate. It’s critical to your child’s and your family’s success, that you create a unified team.

No sugar coating: In your willingness to be part of the solution, be willing to openly hear the reports of your staff. Don’t set yourself up to expect glowing reports every week. You want to know what’s real. Your child is in treatment because serious changes needed to be made. It will take time. Yes, it is hard. But you’re tougher. You have to be. So find things to be happy about, even when the reports aren’t what you wanted to hear. Such as, be grateful your child is safe and with people dedicated to working with both of you.

Be a team player: Make it easy for your staff to work with you. These are people who do what they do because they care about making a difference. Do your part to make sure they were glad they showed up for work today.

Results based: True change will show up in your child’s results. Your child knows what you want to hear. It’s their actions that will speak to their changes, in either forward or backward movement. Pay attention to how they are interacting with their peers, working with staff and responding or reacting to you.

Setbacks: Sometimes successful change can be so frightening to a teen who lacks self-trust and confidence, that it triggers self-sabotage and setback. Recognizing that setbacks are a typical part of the change process can help you prepare for measures on your part that will help your child get back on track.

Take care: Instead of hanging your happiness and well-being on the status of your child’s change, or lack thereof, be good to you. Give yourself permission to enjoy life. Pay attention to your changes. Take this time to restore the balance in your life. If all of your conversations and thoughts are consumed with your program child, then others in your life are getting shortchanged, starting with you. Your child needs a happy, healthy parent who is modeling a life of self-appreciation and personal happiness.

You’re the parent. Your child needs to know they can count on you to stay the course. Be open to learning and seeking ways you can contribute to the solutions your family needs. Be courageous enough to work with your staff, ask your child, ask your family members and self-inventory the changes you can make to create a successful home environment. By your example, your child needs to know that change is not a four letter word.


Glenda Gabriel is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. In addition to being the mother of a program graduate, she’s worked for many years developing vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Reach Out and Touch Someone

Those cherished phone calls with your program child certainly epitomize the phone company slogans of “reach out and touch someone . . . it’s the next best thing to being there”. Parents and students alike, typically look forward with great anticipation to those calls. But when those calls end, have they felt productive? Has it really been the next best thing to being there? Or are you left feeling frustrated? Are you feeling like you missed something important, but didn’t know how to get to it or what to do about it? The good news is that there are some key things you can do to facilitate more beneficial results.

Scrap the Chit-Chat: You want your calls to be meaningful? Save the small talk for the last couple of minutes of your call. For a meaningful call, be prepared to start it that way. For instance begin by asking things like, “So tell me what’s been going on with you in your Program?” “What have you been working on this week?” “What have you learned about you?” What are you most proud of?” Filling your conversations with small talk about the weather, the league standing of their favorite team or who won the Oscars, will not lend value in achieving your family’s healing. Mom and Dad, your calls have been included in your child’s program for a purpose. Decide what your purpose is in preparation for those calls.

Make some notes: By being focused you won’t do the ‘shotgun approach’ of blasting all over the board bouncing from one thing to another. Or be left hoping for a meaningful direction. There are a number of issues your child is working on both personally and in regards to your relationship with them. There won’t be time to address them all in your call so make some notes to keep on track. Ask your staff for their insight and direction. They are on the front lines with your child and know the areas that are challenging them presently. Be a great support system for your child by creating a unified message by means of teaming with your staff.

Your Set up: How are you setting up your questions? Are they open-ended? Or are you asking questions that can always be answered with a yes, no or a one word answers? Unless they are using these calls as a means of manipulating your emotions, they will be forthcoming with information if asked in an interested, non-judgmental way. On the other hand, if your calls do not feel productive, an option is to end them early by saying, “If you don’t have much to talk about, that’s OK. We can give it another shot on your next call. I won’t bore you with my stuff, so I’ll talk to you later.” Don’t make them wrong or guilt them out. Just be matter-of-fact. You’ll likely find your next call to be more productive.

Be OK with their challenges: Setbacks are not only part of progress, they are critical to it. You made a choice to intervene because there were issues that needed to be addressed and handled. Be clear that your child will not learn and progress according to your timetable. Get comfortable in allowing them to learn and progress at their own speed. You have your speed, and they have theirs. Their most valuable lessons are contained within the obstacles they overcome. By remembering that, you let go of expectations. If you want to build an open communication of trust with your child, ‘step into their shoes’ and ‘hear with their ears’ as to what messages you are giving to them. Is it one of believing in their capabilities, or of judgment and disappointment? What would encourage and inspire you?

Be Accountability Focused: Always model accountability for them. You will have a powerful influence on your child if your calls include your ownership of the family healing process. Share your insights for growth and change. Set the pace of being willing to look at the things that aren’t working in your own life, or in the relationship with your child. Be their hero by modeling the courage of change for them. Show them you’re willing to ask, “Is this working for me?”, and if it’s not, that you’re doing something about it.

Assist: Don’t rescue. If during the call they start into a complaining, whining, gripe session, ask them how they resolved it, what their part was in it, or what they did/or could do to create a positive solution. Do not go into reaction. Stay neutral. Assist them by holding up the ‘mirror’ of their accountability. Never get into a ‘gossip’ session about another student. Never, ever engage in bad mouthing or criticizing their staff. If you have concerns or questions, take it directly to your staff. Do not discuss it with your child. As in positive parenting, it is critical that you and the staff present a unified, supportive team for your child. Be a support to your child by holding them accountable and letting go of the consequences they set up for themselves. All choices have consequences. Do not rob them of their lessons by being tempted to rescue them from the consequences of their choices. Let them have their own experience. This is how they learn.

Your phone calls are good information-runs at the progress level of communication between you and your child. While it feels great to hear their voice and feel connected, reach for the deeper purpose. Phone calls aren’t just about making you feel good. Beyond that is the opportunity to build a deep bond with your child. An emotional bond that is forged through them ‘feeling heard’ and knowing they can count on you to care enough to hold them accountable. Those minutes together are precious, and when looked at, contain valuable information for both you and your child.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Get to know Glenda Gabriel



Get to know one of the main contributing Authors:

Glenda Gabriel is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. In addition to being the mother of a program graduate, she's worked for many years developing vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools.

Having at one time experienced her own child’s self-destructive behavior, she knows first hand the horrific roller coaster of emotions parents go through; helplessness and the loss of hope, fueled by guilt, shame and isolation. No matter how supportive and caring their personal support system, no one really understands what they’re going through.

Driven by a passion to make a difference, and understanding these parents unique needs, Glenda went on to create and introduce many innovative solutions for the parent-choice industry, that work with at-risk youth and their families. The results gave a venue and voice for more parent involvement. These solutions met the parent’s need for support, ‘tightened ranks’ with their child’s program, and encouraged personal ownership so that the entire family was working towards growth and healing. She also started parent support groups organized for parents of at-risk kids who were needing and/or already in treatment. Those groups rapidly multiplied and spread across the country. Her willingness to share her experiences, reasons to hope, and being an advocate for personal ownership, quickly made her a sought after speaker by parent groups, volunteer and humanitarian organizations, PTAs and school faculties, and programs and schools associated with the parent-choice industry.

Glenda points out that everyone has a stake in turning around the lives of kids with out-of-control behavior. Everyone benefits by a willingness to be part of the solution to stop the destruction, because our youth, and their families, are the very heart and foundation of our country. Their success ripples out and benefits us all.