CoreBB.com

Should I Drug Test My Teen?

2012-01-20T16:02:00.000-08:00

Drug use among American teens is a serious concern. A huge fear for parents is that their child could become ensnared in the web of drug use. It’s a nightmarish thought for parents. Nobody wants to think it would happen to their kid. And therein lies a scenario that sets the stage for parental denial which can put their child at further risk.

One of the best ways parents can protect their kids is to do drug tests, and yet many parents haven’t even considered it. Perhaps they’re not even aware that home drug tests are affordably priced and are easily available at their local pharmacy and online. There are tests for drugs, alcohol and tobacco use.

Drug testing your teen is a very effective way of preventing drug use. For teens whose parents have implemented drug testing, it can give them the extra courage they need to say no. Being able to tell their peers, “My parents drug test me”, can be just what they need to arm themselves with a defense that could save their life.

It doesn’t have to be a battle ground. Approach by letting them know you love them, that you are aware of the availability of drugs and pressures to use, and that you’ll use any tool needed to keep them from going down that destructive path.

Drug testing in the work place is a common business practice done for the purpose of safeguarding that business. Perhaps you’ve had to take one as per terms of your own employment. How much more important is it to you to safeguard your child?
Being a teen in today’s world carries some very scary prospects and pressures. Parents, don’t add to those pressures by being in denial about what they face. The statistics are alarming. According to a study done by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, only 18% of parents thought their teens had tried drugs. Yet 53% of their teens admitted to having used drugs. How many of those parents had previously deluded themselves into thinking, “Not my kid”?

Drugs tests done in the privacy of your own home is a way parents can take loving control of their teen’s drug use experimentation from becoming an addiction that could result in seriously compromising their health, involved in an accident, trouble with the police, in jail, a lifetime of addiction, or worse.
Quick, accurate, inexpensive drug tests, done in the privacy of your own home, can prevent teen drug use. Give your teen another reason to Just Say No!

I Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.

2012-01-20T15:11:00.000-08:00

As a parent of a struggling teen, ever go through your day mentally berating yourself with a continual loop replaying the “I Shoulda...Coulda…Woulda’s”? It can leave you feeling guilty, ashamed, mortified, embarrassed and shake your parental confidence to the core.

Every day though brings a fresh start. A new chance to ‘get it right’ or ‘make it right ‘… whatever that ‘it’ happens to be. In the world of parenting teenagers, it seems like there’s always something that can use a do-over.

Turn those negative thoughts into positive actions that can actually work in your child’s favor. You only get 20/20 hindsight one way and that is by learning from what has happened. So don’t waste time. Instead, evaluate how doing something different would work towards creating a better outcome.

For starters, stop ‘Shoulding’ all over yourself! If you’re dealing with a teen who’s struggling and sliding down a slippery slope that could potentially put their future at risk, you don’t have time for it! Going down that road will only make you less effective, less on target, and have you second guessing that internal compass parents need to be tuned into, in order to be the safety net their kids need.

Remember, information is your friend. Perhaps the biggest mistake parents make is clinging to denial. Ignoring what their parental gut tells them. Kids are manipulators by nature. Teens have mastered that skill. But don’t lay that all that off on them. Be very clear. Manipulation is a two-party system…the manipulator and the manipulatee. That’s why it’s critical to listen to your internal parental instinct and be willing to follow through.
Here are some ways to turn the ‘Shoulda...Coulda…Woulda ’s around into taking positive action for your child’s well-being:

• Spend time with your teen. Focus on them. Turn off your cell and give your full attention to hearing how their day went. Find out what they’re interested in or what’s worrying them. Show up on time for their sporting events or dance rehearsals. Do something weekly with them. It can be something as simple as getting an ice cream cone or tossing a ball around.

• Drug test your teen. Studies reveal that while only 18% of parents believed their teens have tried drugs, 53% of seniors admitted to having used drugs. Businesses use drug testing. It’s a reality of life. Checking to make sure that your children are making good decisions is just part of responsible parenting. If taking random drug tests gave your teen the resolve they needed to “just say no”, would it be worth it then?

• Turn down the volume. Do not get into yelling matches. You can’t get anything resolved if you’re yelling over one another. Pushing parent’s buttons is almost an art form for teens. It’s a great ploy to create a diversion to escape consequences they see coming their way. Staying calm will keep you in control of your emotions and safeguard you from saying things you wish you could take back.
• Get to know the parents of your teen’s friends. Take the opportunity to share information and compare concerns and agree to handle some problems in the same way. This alliance will help to safeguard each other’s kids. It helps when you can watch each other’s back.

• Trust your parental instincts. If something doesn’t seem right to you, don’t ignore it. Your teen may protest to structure and boundaries, but remind them you love them and that their protection is your prime concern and responsibility.

• There are many stresses that pull at your time and attention. Dealing with a difficult teen can stretch you to your limits. It can be tempting to ignore them or not follow through on their consequences in order to give yourself a break from the pressures. But your teen needs more of your time and attention, not less.
A teen’s defiant or difficult behavior signals life out of control and out of balance in your family system. Slow things down. Take inventory. Pay attention to the details and be willing to do what needs to be done for in the best interest of your teen and your family.

...average life expectancy for a rock star is 42...

2012-01-12T18:48:00.000-08:00

The tempestuous teenage years have always presented challenges for parents. It comes with the natural order for teens growing up on their way to becoming their own independent selves. But let’s get real. Teens today have a tougher challenge than possibly any generation before them to be able to safely navigate their life’s road ahead.

It’s no secret that a prime target audience of the lifestyles of rock stars and celebrities are tweens and teens. Through the miracle of modern media, kids are bombarded virtually every hour of the day with images of irresponsible sex, illegal drug use, alcohol abuse, violent and bullying behavior, disregard for core values and troubles with the law. The poor choices and bad behaviors of celebrities often are glamorized and sensationalized, while their consequences are all too often ignored or negated.

How many celebrities and rock stars can you think of who have died from drug and/or alcohol abuse? The average life expectancy is 78.3 years. But did you know the average life expectancy for a rock star is 42 years? Case in point, Superstar Amy Winehouse, 27 years old, died of alcohol poisoning. The singer shot to fame with songs including "Rehab," in which she sums up her view on seeking treatment with the a chorus of "no, no, no."

When teens see the glamorous and famous being rewarded for bad choices how are they supposed to interpret that? When they see celebrities break the law and then receive little-to-no consequences, and all too often are even rewarded with more fame and fortune for doing so, do you ever have concerns about what kind of influence that has on your child?

Though you might want to, you can’t keep your teen in a cocoon and isolated from the world’s craziness. Parents can feel like they don’t have much say so, but studies show otherwise. According to the GfK Roper Youth Report, an online survey of over 1,000 youth ages 8-17 showed that among six things that might affect their decisions about drinking, 74% identified their parents as the leading influence in their lives.

Talk to your kids. Do you know who they view as their role models? Stay tuned in to what is going on in their world and what’s competing for their attention and influencing their lives and their choices. With the infamous ‘whatever-attitudes’ teens are known for, it can undermine a parent’s confidence. All the more reason for parents to remember that at the end of the day, they are the most important role models in their kid’s lives. Speak up. Let them know you care. Let your words, actions and choices be the healthy role model they can count on to create a successful, happy life.

End of the Year Post - Core Solutions

2012-01-12T18:40:00.000-08:00

With 2011 coming to a close, many professionals who have contacted Core Solutions this year likely still have families on their case load who still need to find a solution that will halt their teen’s destructive, out-of-control behaviors. Additional resources are needed.

Consider Core Solutions your resource for fresh solutions and answers when your families need a ‘next step’ option. Since 2004, we have teamed with professionals and have a solid record in helping their families become a whole and healthy family.

Core Solutions offers a variety of services to families regardless of income, location, age, issues, etc. Here is a glimpse of our most utilized services:

(High-Risk Teens)

NATIONAL TREATMENT FINDER –Based on the assessment of a teen’s more extreme behavior, it may require more extreme measures. For teens headed for disaster, for their safety and well-being it can be best to remove them from their environment and negative influences and enroll them in a safe, structured, results-oriented program. We specialize in these cases and work closely with the parent(s) to identify regional programs, more long term in nature. With over 2500 programs available, including Wilderness Programs, Boot Camps, Therapeutic Residential Treatment Center and Specialty Boarding Schools it’s critical that families find what best suits their teen’s needs and family goals.

(Moderate-Risk Teens)

LOCAL PROGRAM FINDER - We partner with your referred family and assist them in finding local resources based on the assessment of their teen(s) as well as the particular family dynamics. This may be in-patient / out-patient, local support groups meetings, a course for the teen, as well as the family, etc.

(Low-Risk Teens)

IN-HOME COACHING PROGRAM - This in-home program is designated for families that may just be coming into challenging teen behavior, give parents stronger tools to work with, create dialogue in the family, for the purpose of getting things reeled in and managed. This program is a process that lasts anywhere from 8 to 12 weeks and has been proven to help get the family as a whole back on track.

If you have a family that you just don’t know what else to offer them, or a particular teen that is pulling at your heartstrings, please do them a favor and refer them our way.

Help them to get ahead of the curve and a chance to start their New Year off in the right direction.

Your employee team is the face and reputation of your School!

2009-03-29T13:19:00.000-07:00

The truth is, marketing starts from the inside out. The more your staff is engaged, the higher your credibility.

Three Easy Steps with Your Community!

• Step 1: Synchronize Your School’s Personality, Values and Corporate Culture
Via your Community, you will be able to demonstrate a unified staff voice. This will reinforce that your employees are a unified front, when working with the students and families you serve.
• Step 2: Get Your Employees Behind Your School
Your employees exposure and involvement with your Community will strengthen their resolve and increase their personal interest in the mission of your school.
• Step 3: Reinforce Your School Values and Behaviors
Use your Community to explain and reinforce the values and behaviors that reflect your School’s vision.

Contact Core Solutions today to find out how to transform your staff body from powerful individuals to a powerful Community!

What is an Private Online Parent Community?

2009-03-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

What is an Private Online Parent Community?

It is a secure, login, “chat room”, that your parents utilize through your Schools website. New families, current families, and Alumni finally have the chance to login through your Schools site and offer support to one another, gain insight and collaborate with your staff.

Typically your Schools Community will be broken into several Forums, reflecting student groups, photo galleries, School Calendar, General Discussions, Alumni areas, etc. All of this while in a secure location only welcome to the families or visitors of your choosing.

Why it Works: (simple overview)

There is a common movement on Schools sites, you are seeing Parent Services tabs popping up with much more frequency, appealing directly to prospective parents. They realize parents are eager to be involved and comforted with the decision they have made, and many more decisions to come. Now you can support each parents hunger to be involved. Simply bring your support group to them … in their own living room, home office, at work, airports, in the US or abroad. They can be connected anywhere. It is support they can access 24/7, anytime of the day or night, 365 days a year.

“One of the most important trends in private residential schools and programs for children with problems has been to bring parents into the loop,”

a client Lon Woodbury, Woodbury Reports, Inc. (Parents in the Loop) -

….if you envision this as a component for your School, feel welcome to reply and I will send you over a personalized proposal with pricing information included.

Core Solutions Parent Community - Two Years Later

2008-05-30T15:57:00.000-07:00

…Where Parents and Staff are Thriving…Right Now!

By Randall Cook

Two years ago, when Core Solutions was introduced to our field, it was met with its fair share of critics and skepticism. In all fairness, most startups would experience some level of resistance, perhaps even more so when introducing a new service to the family healing field. On the other hand there were those who could immediately see the obvious advantages that our service would proved their group or School; instant transparency, strengthened credibility and additional support for their current and prospective parents.

Core Solutions operates private, secure online bulletin boards, customized to reflect and brand a School’s website look and feel. Parents access their online Community through their School’s website. Aside from having created a turnkey system that takes out all of the guesswork implementing a secure, easy, successful launch, Core Solution’s role is to continually monitor and maintain all aspects of the online Community.

Schools benefit by having a system where their parents can rally together in family healing. Parents work together to keep one another strong and support their child’s program. They gain insight from peers who have “been there, done that” and can speak to the process of enrollment to graduation. They encourage each other to stay open to learning and growing alongside their son or daughter.

“I have found the service Core Solutions provides to be incredibly helpful. It is helpful at the therapeutic school my son goes to because they use it as a message board for parents. I love that his school is so open to parents getting to know each other and support each other.” M.R., Parent of Enrolled Student

Core Solutions stats, to date:

1,000 families: currently being served

1,000 logins per day: families utilize their Community to stay current and invest back into their School.

1,000’s of photos posted: life on campus, parent seminars, and students seminars, family visits, activities, graduations, community involvement, etc.

90% enrollment within 7 days: Schools who utilize their board as a pre-admission tool for prospective families, have 90% placement rate within 7 days.

10,000+ topics posted by parents and staff: The active participation and experience posted are contributions for other parents to draw from.

48 States and 11 Countries: Net connection erases physical boundaries creating unity and support.

Schools we serve thrive because they offer services that attract families who want to engage in solutions vs. a program solely focused on the child. Though families may be spread across the planet Earth, technology shrinks that gap. We deliver this in a valuable, secure, user-friendly system.

“Sending our child to the “wilderness” in the hands of escorts and then moving him to a TBS has brought heartbreak and joy at the same time. The feelings of joy came with renewed hope that this out of control teen has an opportunity to start over and be renewed mentally, emotionally, and physically. The experience is overwhelming and isolating because there are so few families that can share this- or that will share it openly. The family and friends forum is uplifting and enlightening and certainly promotes the whole concept of “parents mentoring parents”. Thank you for establishing this community.” G.G, Parent of Enrolled Student

Our basic customer profile: Schools with a minimum 25 student enrollment and have earned a favorable reputation within our industry and their own local community. Our service includes around-the-clock availability, security and technical monitoring, and attention to individual account issues.

We contract with some of the most influential leaders within our industry. Working with these high profile groups, speaks to our commitment, professionalism and stability.

For a list of testimonials, referrals, or a personalized proposal for your School, please contact me.

About the Author:
Randall Cook is a program graduate who administers several bulletin board systems in a Family Friendly manner. He administers the Struggling Teens board, numerous Programs, Schools, and Professional Organization Boards. www.corebb.com

SCHOOLS BENEFIT WHEN THEIR PARENTS THRIVE

2008-04-15T15:21:00.000-07:00

Get Parents Behind Your School With A Web based Community

By Randall Cook

Everyone knows a website is needed for an optimal operation of a School in today’s techno age. The main purpose for the first step in utilizing a website is information and marketing. Having taken that giant step forward by having an active website, the next step for Schools is to use online services to bring the parents of their students into the school community! Moving in this direction enables a school to make the web the optimal platform for their School and to spotlight their results. By developing a customized private, secure online Community through a discussion board or similar arrangement, their families have a way to support one another, and through knowledge and no longer being isolated, will better be able to support the School their child attends. Schools that have taken this step to developing online communities report outstanding benefits.

The following areas are what schools with online parent communities are reporting, along with solidifying and strengthening their family’s loyalty and support.

Service- 80% of U.S. adults now are online, which accounts for most admissions originating online. Schools that have powerful online Parent Resources are the next chapter in parent service. An effectively operated online parent resource will highlight a school’s reputation as a family-friendly school.

Interaction- Students and Staff certainly keep each other busy all day long. In contrast, the parents are at home, at work or in their community with little, if any support system of anyone who truly understands what they are experiencing. They need their school to open up their doors to them. They need their school to help get them working and gaining support from other parents who are on their same path. This will get them tightly enrolled into a school’s program and put the ‘light at the end of their tunnel’, or at least put their day into reference. Once they’re able to connect with each other for support, it will translate into easing the demands on a school’s staff.

Community- Bringing parents and staff together to meet, network and learn offline is a great opportunity. However, an online parent community enables a school to do this online as well making that support continually available to their families. It’s a cost effective means for parents to stay involved as often as they choose, make friends, and support the Staff. The parents at Schools that have active online communities have responded with great enthusiasm and reinforced commitment to stay the course.

Reputation- With social networking sites popping up everyday, it is imperative for a school to have their own online system where they have control, influence and leadership. With the advent of the web, reputation has become more vulnerable. With so many parents, students, and others going online, it is important for a school to utilize this opportunity to their advantage. The web is here to stay, so harness the positive energy and make it work for the school!

The web is a powerful reality of our lives. Embrace the steps to make it work with you, and for you. Raise the bar and become the ultimate family-friendly program.

Core Solutions Launches NATSAP's Online Community

2007-12-12T10:50:00.000-08:00

Core Solutions Launches

NATSAP's Online Community

December 06, 2007

Core Solutions is pleased to announce they have been chosen to operate the new online Member Community for The National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP).

Core Solutions is the best fit as they have a proven track record for operating specialized, private, secure online Communities by means of an established, thriving system. The new online Member-Only Support Community is solely dedicated to Current Members who are in good standing with NATSAP . It is a great meeting place for their Member Schools/Programs seeking solutions, support, and staying on top of the ongoing issues within the Private Youth Care Field. NATSAP's new online Community is a private, supportive resource available to their members 24-hours a day.

The National Association of Therapeutic Schools and Programs (NATSAP) was created in January of 1999 to serve as a national resource for programs and professionals assisting young people beleaguered by emotional and behavioral difficulties. Since its commencement NATSAP has become known within its field as the benchmark of standards and ethics industry wide .The Association is governed by an elected, volunteer Board of Directors comprised of representatives from the NATSAP membership.

About Core Solutions:
Core Solutions is known for their successful, affordable private and secure online parent bulletin board service, customized for individual programs, Ed Consultant Groups and other professional organizations.

Please visit www.CoreBB.com to learn more.

Core Solutions Takes Proactive Stand

2007-10-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

October 14, 2007

In light of the recent Congressional Hearing, Core Solutions is taking a proactive stand to work in alliance with Schools and Programs intent on being viewed as Family Friendly, transparent in its day-to-day operations, and working in concert with the parents they serve.

The follow-up Congressional Hearing is scheduled for February 2008. As an industry, we must prepare. There has never been a more critical time to further empower and rally the support of your families. Their voices need to be heard and their stories told. They are your strength, your strongest ally and are the evidence of your true and honest intent.

Some key areas of value that our Bulletin Board services will provide to your Program:

A private secured online Bulletin Board system customized specifically for your program, available 24/7; includes regular monitoring to preserve the integrity of your School's Community.

The Schools are viewed as running a transparent program; no shroud of secrecy.

Viewed as a Family Friendly program. Your Bulletin Board quickly enhances and expands the family component of your program, providing a way for your families to tightly team with you for the true intent of actual family healing, not just treating their child.

Each Board reflects the individual branding of that Facility, i.e.: colors, logo, feel and they develop their own Facility Culture.

The overall Board culture reinforces the need for following program guidelines, graduation, and family involvement in order to make the changes needed for when their child returns home and to support their child's changes.

We have a very reputable reference list that you are welcome to contact.

A private, secure online central location to post Parent Manuals, Photos, News Articles, Research, Training and Resource Information, up-to-date notices about the Facility, Staff, returning graduate visits, upcoming events, family weekends, graduations, and showcase accomplishments, academic info, etc.

Economical for the Facilities, as we handle the training, monitoring, registrations, invites, terminations, and technical issues 365 days a year, including 'after hours'.

Our streamlined proven Bulletin Board system eliminates the learning curve of getting an online Community going for the families, and helping a program make it work for them.

The Administration will gain solid feedback on the effectiveness and dependability about Staff and program outcome.

Be Prepared. A functional Bulletin Board is the quickest, most efficient and effective way to become part of the solution by having a communication system that will aid your program in being prepared in all areas for the upcoming Congressional Hearing.

There are two things that are here to stay: technology and parent's needs. However, due to the unique nature of our industry, it takes much more then technical know-how to make a Bulletin Board work effectively and productively for a program. It's not just about setting a system up. It's about how to make that system work in sync with the goals and vision of the program. How to create unity and teamwork. We know how to make your Bulletin Board Service help communication with your parents, so that it doesn't work against you. It's the combined background of the Core Solutions Team - our experience and dedication to the family healing industry - that marries the two successfully!

Recognizing every private entity in the family healing field has an obligation and responsibility to be part of the solution, Core Solutions is willing to be the first contributor by offering a rate reduction through November 20th, 2007. Contact admin@corebb.com for more information. We are intent on having those Schools in full operation prior to the next hearing so that the true message can be heard.

About Core Solutions:
Core Solutions is known for their successful, affordable private and secure online parent bulletin board service, customized for individual programs, Ed Consultant Groups and other professional organizations.

Please visit www.CoreBB.com to learn more.

New Clients That Welcome Family Involvment

2007-10-03T10:43:00.000-07:00

September 15, 2007

Core Solutions is pleased to announce they have been chosen to operate the new online Parent Community for Meadowlark Academy. The new online Parent Support Community is solely dedicated to parents who have a child currently enrolled at Meadowlark Academy. It is a great meeting place for their parents seeking solutions and support from other parents who have been in their same place. Their online Community is a private, supportive resource available to them 24 hours a day.

Meadowlark Academy, an all-girls campus, places a strong emphasis on the dynamics of a Positive Peer Culture, Academics, love of country and respect for family values.

About Core Solutions:
Core Solutions is known for their successful, affordable private and secure online parent bulletin board service, customized for individual programs, Ed Consultant Groups and other professional organizations.

Please visit www.CoreBB.com to learn more.

September 25, 2007

Core Solutions is pleased to announce they have been chosen to operate the new online Parent Community for Tipton Academy. The new online Parent Support Community is solely dedicated to parents who have a child currently enrolled at Tipton Academy. It is a great meeting place for their parents seeking solutions and support from other parents who have been in their same place. Their online Community is a private, supportive resource available to them 24 hours a day.

Tipton Academy, an all-boys campus, is known for their effective ‘Helping Disciplines’ structure that includes Positive Peer Culture, Cognitive Self Change and an Animal Assistance Program.

About Core Solutions:
Core Solutions is known for their successful, affordable private and secure online parent bulletin board service, customized for individual programs, Ed Consultant Groups and other professional organizations.

Please visit www.CoreBB.com to learn more.

Online Parent Support

2007-09-18T08:52:00.000-07:00

A Win/Win for Families and Schools

By Randall Cook
Operations Manager
Core Solutions
www.CoreBB.com

Core Solutions is the next chapter in the evolution of private Schools. It’s not just the best of technology that makes Core Solutions an ideal industry partner. It’s the Core Solutions team’s experience and understanding of this industry that makes their ability to successfully apply and integrate the latest technology to meet the needs of the families, staff and individual programs. Core Solutions creates a win/win scenario for all. Core Solutions private, secured system provides the support, communication, and encouragement parents hunger for when their child is in treatment.

“We are very happy, but most importantly, our parents are delighted with this service", comments Richard Williams, (Former) Director of Marketing and Business Development, Three Springs Adolescent Treatment Programs.

In this day and age, parents are eager, and in some cases demanding more parent support and involvement. In attempting to bridge that gap, many Schools offer parent workshops, conferences and seminars. Yet the on-going needs parents naturally have for information, connection and support during the time their child is in their program, outstrips all best efforts of any staff. To each family, there is only one child in the Program … their’s. Yet the Program Staff are responsible for all students in their care. Recognizing the value of mentoring, some Schools have parent support groups meeting in various locations around the country. Yet, many families cannot attend because they do not reside close enough to where they’re being held.

The solution? Simply bring the support group to them … in their own living, room, home office, at work, airports, in the US or out. They can be connected anywhere. It is support they can access 24/7, anytime of the day or night, 365 days a year. Parents have a need to connect to someone else who knows exactly what they are going through. They need support and encouragement for their family’s tough challenges. They want to celebrate with someone who will truly understand their joy as progress is made. Who better to do that then other families who have been there, done that? Connecting with other parents sharing their own family healing and who can offer encouragement to stay the course.

“One of the most important trends in private residential schools and programs for children with problems has been to bring parents into the loop,” states Lon Woodbury, Woodbury Reports, Inc. (Parents in the Loop -http://www.strugglingteens.com/artman/publish/article_5493.shtml)

Dean Porterfield, Program Administrator for Three Springs of Duck River reports, “Our relationship with Core Solutions has been a very positive experience and has aided in our Program taking the support we offer our families to the next level. I have heard nothing but positive things from all of my clients. Many have asked, ‘I can't imagine not having the support of the Community Board, how did we survive before?’ It has aided in our families sharing their emotional journeys of growth, and they know support for those tough days is only a click away. In addition, the support services have been exceptional.”

Technology, and the desire of parents to be involved, will not fade away. Welcome this change that will create more opportunity for your parents to become part of the solution. In our commitment to creating a win/win there is a standing invitation for all families who want a “virtual support group” at their Facility. Feel free to contact us to be sure your School is not being overlooked.

Core Solutions will customize your private, secured, Community to meet and support your individual Program format. Learn how simple and quick it is to have your online Community launched. With Core Solutions services in place, you will become known as a Family Friendly Program. www.CoreBB.com

Randall Cook has applied his vast experience, intensity and insight to Core Solutions and as a result has created an unrivaled value for Core’s client Programs and Schools, and their incredible parents. In the years since graduating an adolescent residential program himself, he went on to work in various capacities in the private youth placement arena. Now being the proud husband and father of a wonderful young family himself, he has found great purpose in serving other parents and their families.

Auldern Academy Boarding School

2007-07-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

Auldern Academy
Siler City, North Carolina
Jane Samuel, Head of School
919.837.2336
http://www.auldern.com/
http://www.threesprings.com/

Visit by Randall Cook , Core Solutions
July 6th, 2007

Initially, I had no intention of actually writing about my Facility visit and posting it. However, I was so taken by my experience at Auldern Academy that I felt it my duty to share it with the many parents, professionals, and even critics who frequent the Struggling Teens hub.

“Auldern Academy” is Scottish for the “Academy by the River,” which well describes the 85 acres of lush grounds surrounding the campus. Auldern sits on a beautiful area of lush green land, with blooming flowers and hedges meticulously placed throughout the campus, tucked away in the North Carolina hills.

Auldern Academy is ideal for young women in grades 9-12 who would benefit from more structure and support than a mainstream school would provide. Auldern accepts students from traditional schools, as well as those who’ve had a successful experience in an emotional growth or therapeutic program. Auldern enables students to best prepare themselves for the challenges of college environment and independence. Not just academically, but emotionally and socially as well. Auldern achieves this result through a combination of Academics, Arts, Crafts, Therapy, Exercise and Family Involvement.

My first impression, upon arriving at the driveway of Auldern’s campus, was so striking I had to stop my little rental car and get out and take a picture. (The picture above.) It was just so beautiful. As I continued my journey up the drive there were slight bends, well manicured lawn on both sides of the road, and each curve displayed well arranged flower beds outlined with rock walls. This awe inspiring experience was further enhanced by the cathedral-like trees standing watch.

After enjoying several minutes more of this pleasant drive I arrived at the main part of the campus. The road and trees opened up presenting some great Southern style architecture located around a very large pond, with water cascading from the center. I parked and exited my car just at the same time some parents were arriving at the Academy. I followed them into the main hall where I was immediately greeted by Staff and more parents. While visiting with Auldern’s parents, it really stood out to me that they had taken the time to educate and familiarize themselves with both NATSAP and IECA. The overall atmosphere was one of true serenity and calmness delivered in a very professional way. It made a great impression upon me.

After some introductions were made, I was guided back to the office of the Head of School, Ms. Jane Samuel and joined by the Assistant Head of School, Mr. William “Bill” Grant. Again I was struck by their very warm and welcoming reception. As we visited, I was very impressed with their passion and pride for the accomplishments and changes that Auldern Academy has made since their arrival about a year ago. They are clearly professionals to be regarded as experts in their field.

We wandered out of the office and toured the campus. It was a great day to be outside. The July weather in North Carolina was better than what I had left behind in Southern California; I hadn’t expected this. As we continued the tour, I was awestruck at the volumes of student artwork and crafts proudly displayed. Collections of paintings, charcoal sketches, pottery, watercolors, oil paintings, scrap booking, sculptures, etc. lined the walls, cabinets and shelf space in each room. It was amazing. There are clearly some incredible artists attending Auldern. I’m sure some have more interest or talent than others, but they certainly have an ample stock of art supplies that even someone like me could learn and enjoy an artistic outlet. In my experience in over a decade of visiting different Schools in different States, Auldern now joins a select few who stand out proud with such detail and character, and such personalized touches that so strongly reflect the talents and interests of their dynamic students.

After touring the computer labs, academic building and dining facilities, we strolled over to the residential housing. There were some young ladies sitting out front in rocking chairs, engaged in small talk, enjoying the beautiful day and appeared captivated by the sounds and movement of the water spraying up in the pond. They were very polite about our interruption and made certain to greet us on our way into the large dorm. Upon entering I could not help but again notice all of the artwork on display. This building really reinforced a home-away-from-home feel; very subtle and soft. It was remarkable. It made me reflect on how confident and comforting this would make me feel, as a parent.

Next, we took our time walking over to the recreation building, strolling past the immense pond. In that building they offer the young ladies a basketball court, stationary bikes, a pool table, a pottery wheel, a wide variety of art supplies, a treadmill, and even an Ab Lounger.

Lunch time was soon approaching so we walked back to the dining hall. The dining hall is painted in a light yellow, with an off-white trim and large windows pouring in sunlight and overlooking the main area of the campus. It had the feel of a cozy Southern Bed and Breakfast. We were offered a very healthy buffet style meal. Jane, Bill, and I took a seat with a couple of students. Just like the young ladies encountered earlier, the parents on campus, and Staff, these students once again made it a point to welcome us to their table. During our meal I was struck by the genuine camaraderie and courteousness that was so evident throughout the campus. Everyone knew everyone else and was so polite to one another. I never got the impression there were any type of cliques or groups anywhere on the campus. Everyone treated each other with dignity and respect.

After lunch, we headed back to Jane’s office. This gave me a chance to get a deeper understanding of Jane’s and Bill’s commitment and respect for the young women they are guiding and families they serve. I got a chance to get to know more about Bill Grant and was very impressed with his experience and education he has to offer. It’s evident that Jane Samuel lives and breaths Auldern Academy, as well as having a good working relationship with the local community. It’s clear she knows every inch of the property and every aspect of the program. She’s in the moment and up to date on what’s happening.

On my drive back I was anxious to call my little family and share my experience, because it had been that memorable.

I would like to thank Jane Samuel, Bill Grant, Crystal Cox, and the rest of the Auldern Staff members I met. They have a winning team. My thanks and appreciation extend to all of the friendly parents and young ladies I met as well. I am excited for what lies ahead for each of you.

Change is Not a Four Letter Word

2007-06-27T15:45:00.000-07:00

By Glenda Gabriel
Core Solutions
www.CoreBB.com

Change . . . an amazingly powerful and often times emotionally charged word. Change can be a word that seems like such a great idea when directed towards someone else; i.e. how “they” can change in a way that will make your life better. At the other end of the spectrum, the word “change” can trigger fear and resistance in a nanosecond if someone says you need to do it. Or, it can be embraced and welcomed by choosing to move forward with an attitude of gratitude and appreciation for the opportunities change can bring to the quality of your life.

Whether you’re toying with the idea that something different needs to be done, already made the decision things must be done differently, or moved to action to create a different outcome, change becomes part of the equation. Change happens in all areas of life. No area of change is seen more intensely then with families of struggling teens.

Needed change seems obvious in a teen whose life has gone off the tracks through poor choices and behaviors and has become a risk to themselves and/or others. When it’s determined that intervention placement in a private residential school or program is the responsible, loving decision needed, it is important to remember that your child’s true and lasting change will not happen fast, nor on your timeline.

Key to remember is that your teen is just one member of your family system. For the optimal outcome, the entire family needs to be committed and open to change. For starters, what’s going on in their life affects all members of your family. Your teen has done a very good job of signaling “this system is not working.” They are waving a very large, very scary red flag. Wise parents will step up to the plate and willingly be part of the solution.

It’s a Process: There are specific stages of change that experts have identified. Lasting change is going to involve going through all of the various stages. But don’t expect change to be made in a straight line. They will go back and forth many times.

1) Being in resistance, or denial, to any change needed.
2) Considering the possibility of the need for change in the future.
3) Decision that change is needed. Making a plan and setting gradual goals.
4) Taking action. Putting specific plans into play.
5) Maintaining and internalizing the change. Incorporating the change into your life.

Look at the changes you’ve made in your own life: changes in diet, workouts, even cutting back on your work schedule. Can you see how these stages in change fluctuated and flowed? How many times did you repeat the steps? Start. Give up. Go back. Start again.

Don’t Hover: The tendency for parents of children in treatment is to hover and hang on their child’s every movement longing to hear a report or some evidence that they’ve had a miraculous “ah-ha” moment. But change generally comes slowly. It evolves. It’s a process of forward and backward movement. How well would it work for you if someone stood over you with the spoken or unspoken expectation of your needing to make changes in order to make them happy? Would that motivate you? Lasting change must come from within. It must come from their own desire of wanting something different for their life.

Care vs. Control: Be interested, but don’t attempt to maneuver or manipulate their changes through enabling, guilt-trips, anger or avoidance. Whether they tell you or not, you are the most important person in their life. Be willing to hear they are struggling. It’s part of the process of change. It’s also an important part of what they need to learn to be successful.

Be supportive: It’s important that your child know you are in alignment, and in support of, their program and staff. If you have an issue or concern in those areas, do not discuss it with your child. Do not let your emotions or tone of voice betray you. If your child is in any resistance to change, they will see that as a chance to divide and manipulate. It’s critical to your child’s and your family’s success, that you create a unified team.

No sugar coating: In your willingness to be part of the solution, be willing to openly hear the reports of your staff. Don’t set yourself up to expect glowing reports every week. You want to know what’s real. Your child is in treatment because serious changes needed to be made. It will take time. Yes, it is hard. But you’re tougher. You have to be. So find things to be happy about, even when the reports aren’t what you wanted to hear. Such as, be grateful your child is safe and with people dedicated to working with both of you.

Be a team player: Make it easy for your staff to work with you. These are people who do what they do because they care about making a difference. Do your part to make sure they were glad they showed up for work today.

Results based: True change will show up in your child’s results. Your child knows what you want to hear. It’s their actions that will speak to their changes, in either forward or backward movement. Pay attention to how they are interacting with their peers, working with staff and responding or reacting to you.

Setbacks: Sometimes successful change can be so frightening to a teen who lacks self-trust and confidence, that it triggers self-sabotage and setback. Recognizing that setbacks are a typical part of the change process can help you prepare for measures on your part that will help your child get back on track.

Take care: Instead of hanging your happiness and well-being on the status of your child’s change, or lack thereof, be good to you. Give yourself permission to enjoy life. Pay attention to your changes. Take this time to restore the balance in your life. If all of your conversations and thoughts are consumed with your program child, then others in your life are getting shortchanged, starting with you. Your child needs a happy, healthy parent who is modeling a life of self-appreciation and personal happiness.

You’re the parent. Your child needs to know they can count on you to stay the course. Be open to learning and seeking ways you can contribute to the solutions your family needs. Be courageous enough to work with your staff, ask your child, ask your family members and self-inventory the changes you can make to create a successful home environment. By your example, your child needs to know that change is not a four letter word.

Glenda Gabriel is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. In addition to being the mother of a program graduate, she’s worked for many years developing vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools.

A Win/Win for Families of Struggling Teen and Private Boarding Schools

2007-05-16T13:25:00.000-07:00

By Randall Cook
Southern California
Operations Manager
Core Solutions
http://www.corebb.com/

Core Solutions is the next chapter in the evolution of private Schools. It’s not just the best of technology that makes Core Solutions an ideal industry partner. It’s the Core Solutions team’s experience and understanding of this industry that makes their ability to successfully apply and integrate the latest technology to meet the needs of the families, staff and individual programs. Core Solutions creates a win/win scenario for all. Core Solutions private, secured system provides the support, communication, and encouragement parents hunger for when their child is in treatment.

“We are very happy, but most importantly, our parents are delighted with this service", comments Richard Williams, Director of Marketing and Business Development, Three Springs Adolescent Treatment Programs.

In this day and age, parents are eager, and in some cases demanding more parent support and involvement. In attempting to bridge that gap, many Schools offer parent workshops, conferences and seminars. Yet the on-going needs parents naturally have for information, connection and support during the time their child is in their program, outstrips all best efforts of any staff. To each family, there is only one child in the Program … their’s. Yet the Program Staff are responsible for all students in their care. Recognizing the value of mentoring, some Schools have parent support groups meeting in various locations around the country. Yet, many families cannot attend because they do not near enough to the city where they are being held.

The solution? Simply bring the support group to them … in their own living, room, home office, at work, airports, in the US or out. They can be connected anywhere. It is support they can access 24/7, anytime of the day or night, 365 days a year. Parents have a need to connect to someone else who knows exactly what they are going through. They need support and encouragement for their family’s tough challenges. They want to celebrate with someone who will truly understand their joy as progress is made. Who better to do that then other families who have been there, done that? Connecting with other parents sharing their own family healing and who can offer encouragement to stay the course.

“One of the most important trends in private residential schools and programs for children with problems has been to bring parents into the loop,” states Lon Woodbury, Woodbury Reports, Inc. (Parents in the Loop -http://www.strugglingteens.com/artman/publish/article_5493.shtml)

Dean Porterfield, Program Administrator for Three Springs of Duck River reports, “Our relationship with Core Solutions has been a very positive experience and has aided in our Program taking the support we offer our families to the next level. I have heard nothing but positive things from all of my clients. Many have asked, ‘I can't imagine not having the support of the Community Board, how did we survive before?’ It has aided in our families sharing their emotional journeys of growth, and they know support for those tough days is only a click away. In addition, the support services have been exceptional.”

Technology, and the desire of parents to be involved, will not fade away. Welcome this change that will create more opportunity for your parents to become part of the solution. In our commitment to creating a win/win there is a standing invitation for all families who want a “virtual support group” at their Facility. Feel free to contact us to be sure your School is not being overlooked.

Core Solutions will customize your private, secured, Community to meet and support your individual Program format. Learn how simple and quick it is to have your online Community launched. With Core Solutions services in place, you will become known as a Family Friendly Program. http://www.corebb.com/

Randall Cook has applied his vast experience, intensity and insight to Core Solutions and as a result has created an unrivaled value for Core’s client Programs and Schools, and their incredible parents. In the years since graduating an adolescent residential program himself, he went on to work in various capacities in the private youth placement arena. Now being the proud husband and father of a wonderful young family himself, he has found great purpose in serving other parents and their families.

Change is Not a Four Letter Word

2007-04-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

By Glenda Gabriel
Core Solutions
www.CoreBB.com

Change . . . an amazingly powerful and often times emotionally charged word. Change can be a word that seems like such a great idea when directed towards someone else; i.e. how “they” can change in a way that will make your life better. At the other end of the spectrum, the word “change” can trigger fear and resistance in a nanosecond if someone says you need to do it. Or, it can be embraced and welcomed by choosing to move forward with an attitude of gratitude and appreciation for the opportunities change can bring to the quality of your life.

Whether you’re toying with the idea that something different needs to be done, already made the decision things must be done differently, or moved to action to create a different outcome, change becomes part of the equation. Change happens in all areas of life. No area of change is seen more intensely then with families of struggling teens.

Needed change seems obvious in a teen whose life has gone off the tracks through poor choices and behaviors and has become a risk to themselves and/or others. When it’s determined that intervention placement in a private residential school or program is the responsible, loving decision needed, it is important to remember that your child’s true and lasting change will not happen fast, nor on your timeline.

Key to remember is that your teen is just one member of your family system. For the optimal outcome, the entire family needs to be committed and open to change. For starters, what’s going on in their life affects all members of your family. Your teen has done a very good job of signaling “this system is not working.” They are waving a very large, very scary red flag. Wise parents will step up to the plate and willingly be part of the solution.

It’s a Process: There are specific stages of change that experts have identified. Lasting change is going to involve going through all of the various stages. But don’t expect change to be made in a straight line. They will go back and forth many times.

1) Being in resistance, or denial, to any change needed.
2) Considering the possibility of the need for change in the future.
3) Decision that change is needed. Making a plan and setting gradual goals.
4) Taking action. Putting specific plans into play.
5) Maintaining and internalizing the change. Incorporating the change into your life.

Look at the changes you’ve made in your own life: changes in diet, workouts, even cutting back on your work schedule. Can you see how these stages in change fluctuated and flowed? How many times did you repeat the steps? Start. Give up. Go back. Start again.

Don’t Hover: The tendency for parents of children in treatment is to hover and hang on their child’s every movement longing to hear a report or some evidence that they’ve had a miraculous “ah-ha” moment. But change generally comes slowly. It evolves. It’s a process of forward and backward movement. How well would it work for you if someone stood over you with the spoken or unspoken expectation of your needing to make changes in order to make them happy? Would that motivate you? Lasting change must come from within. It must come from their own desire of wanting something different for their life.

Care vs. Control: Be interested, but don’t attempt to maneuver or manipulate their changes through enabling, guilt-trips, anger or avoidance. Whether they tell you or not, you are the most important person in their life. Be willing to hear they are struggling. It’s part of the process of change. It’s also an important part of what they need to learn to be successful.

Be supportive: It’s important that your child know you are in alignment, and in support of, their program and staff. If you have an issue or concern in those areas, do not discuss it with your child. Do not let your emotions or tone of voice betray you. If your child is in any resistance to change, they will see that as a chance to divide and manipulate. It’s critical to your child’s and your family’s success, that you create a unified team.

No sugar coating: In your willingness to be part of the solution, be willing to openly hear the reports of your staff. Don’t set yourself up to expect glowing reports every week. You want to know what’s real. Your child is in treatment because serious changes needed to be made. It will take time. Yes, it is hard. But you’re tougher. You have to be. So find things to be happy about, even when the reports aren’t what you wanted to hear. Such as, be grateful your child is safe and with people dedicated to working with both of you.

Be a team player: Make it easy for your staff to work with you. These are people who do what they do because they care about making a difference. Do your part to make sure they were glad they showed up for work today.

Results based: True change will show up in your child’s results. Your child knows what you want to hear. It’s their actions that will speak to their changes, in either forward or backward movement. Pay attention to how they are interacting with their peers, working with staff and responding or reacting to you.

Setbacks: Sometimes successful change can be so frightening to a teen who lacks self-trust and confidence, that it triggers self-sabotage and setback. Recognizing that setbacks are a typical part of the change process can help you prepare for measures on your part that will help your child get back on track.

Take care: Instead of hanging your happiness and well-being on the status of your child’s change, or lack thereof, be good to you. Give yourself permission to enjoy life. Pay attention to your changes. Take this time to restore the balance in your life. If all of your conversations and thoughts are consumed with your program child, then others in your life are getting shortchanged, starting with you. Your child needs a happy, healthy parent who is modeling a life of self-appreciation and personal happiness.

You’re the parent. Your child needs to know they can count on you to stay the course. Be open to learning and seeking ways you can contribute to the solutions your family needs. Be courageous enough to work with your staff, ask your child, ask your family members and self-inventory the changes you can make to create a successful home environment. By your example, your child needs to know that change is not a four letter word.

Glenda Gabriel is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. In addition to being the mother of a program graduate, she’s worked for many years developing vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools.

Reach Out and Touch Someone

2007-03-21T08:31:00.000-07:00

Those cherished phone calls with your program child certainly epitomize the phone company slogans of “reach out and touch someone . . . it’s the next best thing to being there”. Parents and students alike, typically look forward with great anticipation to those calls. But when those calls end, have they felt productive? Has it really been the next best thing to being there? Or are you left feeling frustrated? Are you feeling like you missed something important, but didn’t know how to get to it or what to do about it? The good news is that there are some key things you can do to facilitate more beneficial results.

Scrap the Chit-Chat: You want your calls to be meaningful? Save the small talk for the last couple of minutes of your call. For a meaningful call, be prepared to start it that way. For instance begin by asking things like, “So tell me what’s been going on with you in your Program?” “What have you been working on this week?” “What have you learned about you?” What are you most proud of?” Filling your conversations with small talk about the weather, the league standing of their favorite team or who won the Oscars, will not lend value in achieving your family’s healing. Mom and Dad, your calls have been included in your child’s program for a purpose. Decide what your purpose is in preparation for those calls.

Make some notes: By being focused you won’t do the ‘shotgun approach’ of blasting all over the board bouncing from one thing to another. Or be left hoping for a meaningful direction. There are a number of issues your child is working on both personally and in regards to your relationship with them. There won’t be time to address them all in your call so make some notes to keep on track. Ask your staff for their insight and direction. They are on the front lines with your child and know the areas that are challenging them presently. Be a great support system for your child by creating a unified message by means of teaming with your staff.

Your Set up: How are you setting up your questions? Are they open-ended? Or are you asking questions that can always be answered with a yes, no or a one word answers? Unless they are using these calls as a means of manipulating your emotions, they will be forthcoming with information if asked in an interested, non-judgmental way. On the other hand, if your calls do not feel productive, an option is to end them early by saying, “If you don’t have much to talk about, that’s OK. We can give it another shot on your next call. I won’t bore you with my stuff, so I’ll talk to you later.” Don’t make them wrong or guilt them out. Just be matter-of-fact. You’ll likely find your next call to be more productive.

Be OK with their challenges: Setbacks are not only part of progress, they are critical to it. You made a choice to intervene because there were issues that needed to be addressed and handled. Be clear that your child will not learn and progress according to your timetable. Get comfortable in allowing them to learn and progress at their own speed. You have your speed, and they have theirs. Their most valuable lessons are contained within the obstacles they overcome. By remembering that, you let go of expectations. If you want to build an open communication of trust with your child, ‘step into their shoes’ and ‘hear with their ears’ as to what messages you are giving to them. Is it one of believing in their capabilities, or of judgment and disappointment? What would encourage and inspire you?

Be Accountability Focused: Always model accountability for them. You will have a powerful influence on your child if your calls include your ownership of the family healing process. Share your insights for growth and change. Set the pace of being willing to look at the things that aren’t working in your own life, or in the relationship with your child. Be their hero by modeling the courage of change for them. Show them you’re willing to ask, “Is this working for me?”, and if it’s not, that you’re doing something about it.

Assist: Don’t rescue. If during the call they start into a complaining, whining, gripe session, ask them how they resolved it, what their part was in it, or what they did/or could do to create a positive solution. Do not go into reaction. Stay neutral. Assist them by holding up the ‘mirror’ of their accountability. Never get into a ‘gossip’ session about another student. Never, ever engage in bad mouthing or criticizing their staff. If you have concerns or questions, take it directly to your staff. Do not discuss it with your child. As in positive parenting, it is critical that you and the staff present a unified, supportive team for your child. Be a support to your child by holding them accountable and letting go of the consequences they set up for themselves. All choices have consequences. Do not rob them of their lessons by being tempted to rescue them from the consequences of their choices. Let them have their own experience. This is how they learn.

Your phone calls are good information-runs at the progress level of communication between you and your child. While it feels great to hear their voice and feel connected, reach for the deeper purpose. Phone calls aren’t just about making you feel good. Beyond that is the opportunity to build a deep bond with your child. An emotional bond that is forged through them ‘feeling heard’ and knowing they can count on you to care enough to hold them accountable. Those minutes together are precious, and when looked at, contain valuable information for both you and your child.

Get to know Glenda Gabriel

2007-01-19T17:05:00.000-08:00

Get to know one of the main contributing Authors:

Glenda Gabriel is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. In addition to being the mother of a program graduate, she's worked for many years developing vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools.

Having at one time experienced her own child’s self-destructive behavior, she knows first hand the horrific roller coaster of emotions parents go through; helplessness and the loss of hope, fueled by guilt, shame and isolation. No matter how supportive and caring their personal support system, no one really understands what they’re going through.

Driven by a passion to make a difference, and understanding these parents unique needs, Glenda went on to create and introduce many innovative solutions for the parent-choice industry, that work with at-risk youth and their families. The results gave a venue and voice for more parent involvement. These solutions met the parent’s need for support, ‘tightened ranks’ with their child’s program, and encouraged personal ownership so that the entire family was working towards growth and healing. She also started parent support groups organized for parents of at-risk kids who were needing and/or already in treatment. Those groups rapidly multiplied and spread across the country. Her willingness to share her experiences, reasons to hope, and being an advocate for personal ownership, quickly made her a sought after speaker by parent groups, volunteer and humanitarian organizations, PTAs and school faculties, and programs and schools associated with the parent-choice industry.

Glenda points out that everyone has a stake in turning around the lives of kids with out-of-control behavior. Everyone benefits by a willingness to be part of the solution to stop the destruction, because our youth, and their families, are the very heart and foundation of our country. Their success ripples out and benefits us all.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2006-12-28T15:09:00.000-08:00

The holidays cometh. Stores are stocked with gifts galore. Colorful, twinkling lights adorn windows, eaves and trees. Lists are made and checked twice. Families once again plan to share their own special time-honored traditions. Giving reigns above receiving. And in stores, Andy Williams once again croons, "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

But if you're a parent whose child is away from home in treatment, it may not feel overly wonderful. Though grateful for the help they are getting, you may be struggling with loss, emptiness and even guilt. You wonder how you'll ever get through this holiday season without them home. Your commitment wavers and you might even start rationalizing about bringing them home early. You cry new tears and at times resent the holiday joy going on around you.

Stop! You do not have to go down that path. Doing so will not lead to anything good or productive. Step back and look at the Big Picture for your family. Yes, it will be different this year. But that doesn't mean it can't be a wonderful, joyful, gratitude filled holiday. Is your holiday glass half full or half empty? Start with a dose of reality.

This is a good time to revisit why it became necessary to seek 24/7 help for your child. Write down all the reasons you had for making that most difficult decision for placement. List all the fears you had for your child and all the chaos and trauma going on in your home at the time. Do this to remind yourself of the necessity of your decision and of your responsibility to act in the best interest of your child. Now reflect back on how you felt once you knew your child was safe and being cared for, guided and instructed by dedicated, caring professionals who are completely focused on your child's well-being. Remember how it felt to finally have hope again?

Though this holiday season will be different with your child away, it not only is possible to make it a joy-filled time, it is vital that you are determined to do just that.

For starters, you deserve joy and happiness. A short while ago things were looking rather grim for your family as you watched your child spiral out of control. But today your child is safe and working toward his or her future. There is much to celebrate this season, not the least of which was the courage and commitment you demonstrated by getting the help your child needed. It is critical to your family healing process that you take care of yourself and give yourself permission to be joyful.

Next, as parents, it's your job to set the tone and the example for your children. While their friends may play an important part in their lives, you are their role model. They look to you for clues on how to navigate through life. Ask yourself this, "If my child were to duplicate my attitude about how I feel about the holiday season, would I be okay with that?" Are you modeling attitudes of depression, sadness, loss and anxiety…or happiness, joy, hope and gratitude? How would you want your child to feel and behave?

Are there other siblings at home? They likely have taken a backseat to their program-sibling for a long time. Those at-risk teens have a way of throwing a family's balance way out of whack. The other kids deserve to have the focus put back on them. Pay attention to how much focus is given to the child who is away from home vs. the children still at home. Is it fair? Is it balanced? Are they feeling as important as their sibling who's away? Don't they deserve to have a fun-filled holiday season? The same thing holds true for your spouse or other dear friends and extended family. Focus on enjoying your time with them. Open up dialogue and find out how they are feeling and what they'd like to do to make this time special. Find out what their needs are and determine to create a tighter bond with them.

Do you have a family holiday tradition that you're finding hard to face this year without your program-child at home to participate? Putting the emphasis on those at home who look forward to that special holiday tradition can create a shift towards an "attitude of gratitude." If it still seems insurmountable to you, then put that tradition on hold for now and create a new one. Maybe something that represents the forward growth for your family. Find a way to be in service to someone else. Perhaps there are shut-ins in your neighborhood or church group…lonely people, whose families are not nearby. Find a way to include them and make them feel remembered and special this holiday season. Nothing cures emptiness faster then being in heartfelt service to someone whose day you can cheer.

Be supportive of the holiday policies and procedures of your child's program. They have been established with purpose and reason, i.e., from the limited space at the facility, to teaching values, such as the spirit of the holidays and the value of family vs. the materialism of our society. If your child has had a "sense of entitlement" attitude, pay attention to how you have helped set that up in the past. Also, be mindful of how violating the guidelines sends your child a message that it's okay to break the rules. It's neither something that's worked well for them in the past, nor will it when they return home and are expected to abide by the rules and structure in place. Again, model the behavior you want them to emulate.

Re-focus on your family and facility's long term goals and commitments. Make sure your choices are truly in the best interests of your child. There's obviously not a set standard, industry wide or program to program regarding holidays gifts, but if what you send is in direct violation to your school's guidelines as a means to compensate for your guilt, then intentionally violating the school's policy will not make matters any better. If buying your child's love and respect was a solution before the program, they wouldn't be there today. Also recognize that if you bring them home before program completion because you miss them, then that is about your needs, not theirs. For two-household families, work in concert with each other. Co-parent for the benefit of your child and work as a team with your school.

And for those parents who are considering placement now . . . if it is needed, do not wait. If your child is in crisis mode, then so is your entire family. If that child were in need of an appendectomy, you wouldn't postpone doing it till after gifts were unwrapped or some other family tradition celebrated. You would do it when it was needed, before the crisis intensified. Postponing placement so you won't have to be without them at the holidays, is again about your needs, not theirs. As a parent, you have the responsibility to make decisions based on their best interests. Be realistic. If things have already deteriorated to that level, it is unlikely you would be having the Hallmark-holiday you want anyway.

Make this a meaningful holiday for all of your family members. Yes, it will be different, but it doesn't mean that it can't be wonderful. You get to decide. Choose to create joy and gratitude in all that you do. Find new ways to capture the spirit of the holidays. Approach this season determined to look back with pride on this time as a bright spot in your family's history. Because of your child's program, you have new reason to have joyful hope and anticipation for the future. These are all definite ingredients that make up "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."

About The Author:
Glenda Gabriel is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. In addition to being the mother of a program graduate, she's worked for many years developing vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools.

DE-STRESS THE PROCESS

2006-12-28T14:40:00.000-08:00

The decision of placing your child in treatment may likely be the toughest decision you've ever made. Emotions and stress run amok. The pressure to make the right decision for your child is overwhelming. Since there are no quick fixes or easy answers, how do you get through this time? How do you de-stress and decompress? What can you do to make it easier on yourself and help your child? Chunk it down into manageable pieces. Here are five specific things you can do to eliminate that feeling of being on an emotional roller coaster.

1.) Recognize That You Are In Control Of Your Life: With all the emotional turmoil, tears, fears, worry, hand-wringing and frustrations that have invaded you and your family's life because of your child's out-of-control behavior, you may not feel that you are in control. Certainly, there are circumstances that you cannot control, but you always have control over how you deal with events and circumstances. It's a matter of reacting vs. responding. For example, when your teen launches into a screaming tirade and your reaction is to escalate it with rants and raves of your own, versus thinking before you speak and responding in a normal tone of voice. Always being in a reactionary state will fuel stress and keep life in an upheaval. You have control over your emotions and you get to choose. By merely reacting to events and circumstances, you give up control. The reactions control your life, but by responding instead of just reacting, you are in charge. No one can make you do anything you don't want to do, nor can they make you feel anything you don't feel. You are in control.

2.) Trust Yourself: Pay attention to your gut instinct, that quiet place within. Whatever name you give it, listen to it. It's there as your own personal compass. It will never fail you. Ever had the experience of going against that feeling? How'd that work for you? Ever have the experience of trusting that feeling? That worked better, didn't it? It always does. If you're not used to accessing your own personal beacon, start paying attention to it. It serves all areas of your life. It's a skill you can fine tune and become more sensitive to. Nowhere in your life will that be of more importance then as you make your way through the haze of confusion you feel when dealing with a struggling teen. Take the time to quiet your mind and shut out other distractions. Learn to listen to that quiet voice within. Sometimes you might not like the answer you get, but it is important to pay attention to it nonetheless. Ignoring your natural knowing can set up bigger hurts and/or disappointments and stretch out the learning curve on lessons you need to learn.

3.) Do Your Homework: Living in the information age can be a double-edged sword. Never before has there been a time when you could gather such vast amounts of information, so quickly. The huge arena of resources and solutions available can be overwhelming. One option that might serve your family well is to enlist the aid of an Educational Consultant to help you sort through all this information. From their experience of working with program staff, and making on-site visits to many schools and programs, they are in an excellent position to offer direction and clarity. They are there to help you determine the best option for your family, but you need to do your part as well. Be open to their coaching. Listen for the purpose of learning and understanding. You are in new territory, but you don't have to reinvent the wheel.

4.) Partner With Your School: Having explored your options, you've made careful decisions and chosen a placement for your child. From day one, commit to work as a dependable team member with the school or program. The adage, "United we stand, divided we fall" applies here. As parents, you've undoubtedly had the experience of your children playing Mom against Dad for their own purposes. All kids do it at some point. Now it's been necessary to 'extend' your family to include the professionals at your child's school, because you need their help. This is one of those areas where trusting yourself comes into play. You trusted yourself to choose this program, now align with them and make sure your child knows you are all working together and that you support each other. Before placement, you tried many different things to get your child's behavior turned around. Now you've asked your child's school for their help and they have a lot of experience to draw on. Use it. Rely on these professionals who are dedicated to helping your child and your family. Follow their direction. Be teachable. Model respect for your child by abiding by the rules and guidelines they have set in place. There's a reason they are there. Be an asset to your sSchool. Create a united front for your child.

5.) Be Open to Change: Your child is just one member of your family. You are another. You all interact and influence each other's lives. As the parent, you're hoping your child will grab this gift for a chance to begin anew and make changes that will benefit their life from this time forward. It's real easy and real tempting, to put the entire focus on them. But if you want to make a real impact on your child, support them with love, but put the focus back on you. Be courageous enough to openly identify what you can change to create a better outcome; a better relationship with your spouse, your child or the other children at home. What can you do to be a happier, more contented you? Your happiness is not dependent on whether or not your child ever makes any turnaround choices. It's not their job to make you happy. They are working hard enough on their own. Don't put the pressure, spoken or even hinted at, that they are responsible for your happiness too. If you want to gain the respect of your child, be willing to look at your own life, choices and actions. Be willing to own them, just like you're hoping they will do. Set the pace for them. Get over the thought that this makes you bad, wrong or stupid. That will not help. Rather, openly look at what's not working and create the kind of life or the kind of relationships you want. Get involved with your school and their program, for it will be a valuable resource for you on your own journey. It takes courage to do this, but it also takes caring enough about yourself to want to be your best self. No different then you want for your child.

This may be one of the most challenging times in your entire life, but being aware of what you do have control over, and letting go of what you don't, will greatly reduce the crazy-making stress you've been enduring. And as you progress, take the opportunity to "pay it forward" by sharing encouragements and the lessons you learned with other families in your school. It will affirm and anchor what you've learned and how far you've come. It feels good to give back. You can make it through this and come out better than before.

About The Author:
Glenda Gabriel is a strong advocate for parent's rights and the parent-choice industry. In addition to being the mother of a program graduate, she's worked for many years developing vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools.

PARENT MENTORING WORKS

2006-12-28T14:25:00.000-08:00

Anxiety. Guilt. Fear. Shame. Isolation. These are constant companions for parents of at-risk teens. In contrast to parents of other children with special needs, they find little, if any, compassion and understanding. Rather, they are faced with overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, discouragement, failure, fingers of blame pointed at them, harsh judgment and criticism. Support withdraws. People turn away and walk a wide circle around them, as though their pain might be contagious. A pariah. The one to be avoided. I know first hand what it feels like to live in that dark, frightening place.

Despite everything you have tried, your child continues to self-destruct. You dread the phone ringing because it likely means more bad news from the school, your neighbors and/ or the authorities. None of their solutions are working either. Yet, the love for your child, and your resolve to halt their downward spiral, forges your sense of duty and responsibility to find a solution before all remaining options disappear.

With great courage, you research new alternatives and are heartened to find professionals dedicated to helping families, just like yours. As you transition through the steps of placement, the roller coaster ride of emotions surge onward as you embark on a new chapter.

Although you may experience a sense of relief in knowing that your child is beginning to get help, you also feel the emotional void of not having them in your home, a void that you must fill. As I moved on from being one of those people, to working with other parents experiencing the same things, I learned first hand how coaching and encouragement from peer parents can lift that enormous burden. For me, the giving and receiving of mentoring was an invaluable part of the family healing process.

Shortly after my child's placement, I was fortunate to be part of a parent support group. Through that unity and support, we not only helped ourselves, but also helped each other. Within that system of 'parent mentoring,' we saw our own direction better and became more capable of focusing on being part of the solution. For the first time in a long time, we had reason to hope.

Developing and strengthening our parent network allowed us to stop focusing solely on our child and 'tend to the wounds' of the other people in our family, including ourselves. The need for parents to take care of themselves is a frequently overlooked, fundamental basic. However, it's much like the flight attendant's speech at take-off, "if the need for oxygen becomes necessary, you must place the oxygen mask on yourself first before lending aid to someone else." There is a heavy toll placed on each member of the family of an at-risk teen, and to provide the best possible support for your child as they work to make and sustain the changes required, it is vital to "place the oxygen mask on yourself first."

As a result, the parent support mentoring system affords you a "soft place to fall," and you start to regain some balance in your life. There is strength in numbers, and from that strength, you build a reservoir of energies that allows you to invest in the support of your child's program. It also allows you to support the program in which you placed your trust and your child. With the support of your parent mentors, you know you're no longer tackling this challenge on your own. While mentoring one of your peer-parents, you often find that you not only helped to lift their spirits, but also lifted your own, thus creating a better day for both of you. As parent mentors, we invite you to join us in the excitement of looking forward to the parent conferences at your child's school and reaffirming those lessons with other peer parents when you return home. Your parent mentors will cheer you on and celebrate joyful days, as well as exchange concerns, information and offer practical ways to create solutions. You will learn from each other, laugh together and lead by example, which will create long-lasting bonds of friendship. In addition, these bonds will help you and your family to become an active and important member of your School's team effort.

This is such a personal battle and there are no instruction manuals on how to make these big changes, but with the help of other parents who have already experienced and truly understand these challenges, it is easier. It's like the old adage of "it takes one to know one," that makes peer mentoring a benefit to parents as much as it does our kids.

On those days when you want to give up, draw on the strength and support of your fellow parent mentors. At this point, it may be hard for you to visualize that light at the end of the tunnel. However, if you stay the course , and take advantage of all the resources available to you, both you and your child will pull through it.

Remember . . . no one ever said it would be easy . . . just worth it!

About the Author:
Glenda Gabriel is an advocate for parents rights and the parent choice industry. She has worked to develop vital parent support services for structured residential boarding schools.